Obligatory Orgy Poem

polished wedding ring
satin bodysuit
mink lashes 
glued by a girl
at Sephora 
who airbrushed my face 
for free
you want to be the hottest one
she said and thanks to her I felt 
contoured       masked
lashed 
to the yacht
the skyline
rough waters and
watered drinks
straddling in a corner 
singing 
happy birthday 
my seasick love
pretend it’s       just us 
and when another man’s hand 
reaches
for mine 
no
I never want to hold it 

                *

yearly we ask this question 
who wants it really
and why that next birthday in Tulum
with a different man and his
escort
everyone begged off but 
me 
pushing 
pink powder 2CB
fortieth full wolf moon 
and we’d never see 
these people again 

            *

except they lurk 
among my stories still
flames from him 
when I’m hot
flames I leave 
on seen 
I emptied my checking 
buying his girl 
coke and cab fare 
a chump
for my baby’s 
birthday 
anyway whatever
so long as there’s 
no question
whose corner
I go down on

 

 

So I Share Sexy

Lose
Followers 
Buy more, working it wrong,
Looking for skin 
Texture and Kylie’s true jawline,
Tina Louise’s waist 
#transformationtuesday 
#photoshopfails 
#problematicfame, it’s important to point out,
Is not IRL
Where my breasts are perfect pockets,
Silicone sewn up 
So easy, all that love
That ass tho, a wilted lettuce leaf–
Size of a man’s palm–
Folded in place of burger bun
Ass as plant, as implant
Can’t grow
The Brazilian Butt Lift is a gold standard
One in three thousand patients die for it 

 

 

Psychic Narcissism

I consulted a medium
who said my mother would return 
in the form of a butterfly
It was the summer of the great Painted Lady migration,
the result of heavy winter rain
In the course of a day a billion butterflies 
I kept hitting them with my car

I believe in spirits and have
since childhood, 
when the dog died
suddenly, on the threshold of my room
My father called a pet psychic
who said the animal absorbed his rage 
so I wouldn’t and it rotted her 

My father believed 
He wept, made promises,
then got another dog and when she died, 
another, always female and yellow haired, like me 
But easy to train, he says,
Unlike some people

My mother, who left 
to live in a safe house 
next to a sheep farm,
ate lamb chops every night
Meat was what she wanted, 
broiled and buttered

She wanted to be skinny and satiated 
She wanted to be beautiful but never to fuck
She wanted a facelift and got one
      I wish I’d asked to see the scars

It’s too late, she told me, once cancer made her 
thin and listless, 
but I’ve never felt sexier
She died three months later 
What her last words were
I’ll never know

I know only that my mother wanted to be immortal 
and I wrote the book that made her 

After the butterflies, 
The book,
I still believed in psychics
and saw one who said the vibe in my 
root chakra 
was of trying to leave a bed someone else was sleeping in 
without causing a stir
I just need to get outside the room, he said, channeling,
I just need to figure out what I want
and shut the door behind me very softly